Today, we are tackling myth number three: Forgiveness comes with time. When you are hurt or betrayed, someone comes to comfort you and says, "Don't worry — healing will come with time," or "Forgiveness gets easier later." They think they are helping, but it is actually a hindrance. Healing generally does not come with time, and forgiveness does not get easier on its own.
The Reality of Long-Term Pain
One of the biggest barriers Suzette and I see in helping people grow in Christ is unforgiveness. It is like a massive wall blocking the road with no way through. When we bring up the issue of forgiveness, it often evokes negative feelings. People relive the emotions and struggles they experienced. But when we choose to forgive, there is great relief, and God can begin the healing process — sometimes even instantaneously.
A Story of Sixty Years
I want to tell you a story that was both tragic and amazing. There was a woman in her eighties who was going through a ministry time. During World War II, when she was a young woman, a German soldier had raped her. For over sixty years, she carried this in her heart. She did not know what to do with it or how to deal with it. Finally, she was led through a time of ministry to forgive this person. When she released him, she was amazed at how free she felt. She felt clean after all those years. There is no way we should believe that forgiveness comes with time — because on its own, it does not. We must choose to forgive.
God Was Not Created to Bear the Weight of Unforgiveness
God never created us to carry the weight of unforgiveness — the pain, the sorrow, the grief, the anger, the bitterness. Isaiah 53:4-5 tells us:
"Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried... He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, and by His scourging we are healed."
He bore our griefs. He carried our sorrows. Forgiveness releases all the negative emotions and gives them to Him. He takes them upon Himself.
The Danger of Stuffing It Down
Things will not get better just because time passes. You might stuff it down or put it away — but anything we fail to deal with will come back. It can manifest as physical sickness, nightmares, or emotional struggles. We have to be willing to face what happened and forgive.
Forgiveness Is a Choice
Remember, forgiveness is a choice. It is based on Jesus Christ having forgiven you, and it is something we do because the Lord asks us to. He knows that unforgiveness damages us. He wants us to turn the person and the offense over to Him and trust Him to take care of it. Don't let it drag on for another five years. Let today be a day of forgiveness.
A Prayer for Strength
If you are choosing to forgive today, pray this out loud: Jesus, thank You for dying on the cross for me. Thank You for forgiving my sin through Your precious blood. Thank You for bearing my griefs and sorrows. I choose today to forgive ____________ (name the one who hurt you and the specific things they did). I choose to give You every negative emotion I am experiencing ____________ (name everything you feel — anger, shame, fear, sorrow — until you feel free) and every lie I believe because of this ____________ (let the Lord show you any lie, and ask Him for His truth). Now that I have released all this to You, please heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. Fill every area with the fullness of the Holy Spirit. Thank You for Your love and kindness. Amen.
