Forgiveness Myth 24: Forgiveness Isn’t Fair
How many times have you heard it? How many times have you said it? “It’s not fair.”
The Sense of Fairness God Placed Within You
Every person has an innate quality that cries out for fairness. Every wrong action and unjust situation ignites our indignation. We react so strongly because we know what was done is wrong. The bottom line is that we demand life to be fair and consider injustice, no matter the size of the offense, to be wrong and in need of correction.
God has placed within each individual a strong sense of fairness or justice. We all know when something is unfair and want to make it right. We are especially aware when something is not fair to us.
It’s unfair when your sister gets two cookies, and you only get one. It’s unjust when your older brother gets to stay up while you have to go to bed. It’s not right when someone cuts in front of you in line.
When the Offense Is Life-Changing
These examples show how minute our sense of injustice and unfairness can be. But what happens when the events are significant and even life-changing?
A drunk driver kills your best friend in a car accident. Your spouse leaves you for another man or woman. Your business partner embezzles $50,000 and leaves the state. Your best friend shares one of your deepest and darkest secrets on social media.
Now, these are tragic, painful, and wrong. The person who did this should pay! Everything within us cries out for justice. We want the person who did this to pay the penalty for their wrongdoing.
We want them to suffer for what they did. It’s unfair! It’s UNFAIR! IT IS UNFAIR!
The first set of examples is so minor that they can easily be forgiven. But what about the second set of examples? For many, they’re unforgivable. How can you forgive death, desertion, embezzlement, or betrayal? Yet, this is precisely what Jesus asks us to do. He asks us to forgive what we consider unforgivable.
What Jesus Commands About Forgiveness
21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. (MT 18:21-22)
25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. (MK 11:25)
Jesus Forgave What Was Most Unfair
Jesus was serious about forgiveness. He looked down at the cross, upon which the crowd mocked Him, and asked God to forgive them. He forgave the very ones who were killing Him.
33 When they came to the place called The Skull, there they crucified Him and the criminals, one on the right and the other on the left. 34 But Jesus was saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” And they cast lots, dividing up His garments among themselves. 35 And the people stood by, looking on. And even the rulers were sneering at Him, saying, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if this is the Christ of God, His Chosen One.” 36 The soldiers also mocked Him, coming up to Him, offering Him sour wine, 37 and saying, “If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself!” (Luke 23:33-37)
It is difficult to forgive a drunk driver, an unfaithful spouse, an embezzeling partner, or a backstabbing friend, but Jesus forgave those who were in the process of killing Him. It was so unfair. He had done nothing wrong. He was innocent, falsely accused, and hanging on a cross. Despite the unfairness of it all, Jesus forgave.
Jesus is our example. Forgiveness may feel unfair because the people who harmed us in some way seem to get away with it. They are not experiencing the pain you are, but they are seemingly getting away with what they are doing. So, we choose not to forgive. It’s just not fair!
Forgiveness Is Not About Fairness — It's About Mercy
Fairness has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is based on Jesus’ death on the cross. It is based on mercy. God has forgiven us; therefore, we must forgive others. This is clear from the parable of the unjust servant in Matthew 18. The servant owned a vast sum and begged to be allowed to repay it. The master took pity on the servant and forgave him his total debt. It wasn’t fair. It was mercy.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
The forgiven servant goes to a man who owes him a small amount. The man refuses to forgive the servant but throws him in prison until he pays for everything. The king hears about it, confronts the man, calling him a wicked servant, and throws him in prison until his entire debt is paid.
The king tells the man he should have shown mercy to the other man, just as he had received mercy from the king. Since we have received great mercy and forgiveness from God, He expects us to forgive people, even when it doesn’t seem fair.
Jesus also preached the Sermon on the Mount, teaching His disciples to pray, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” It wasn’t fair that Jesus suffered in our place so we could be forgiven, and it isn't fair that we forgive those who hurt us. But it is not about fairness. It is about forgiving as we have been forgiven.
Choose to Forgive Anyway
If the idea of fairness has caused you to refuse to forgive someone, make a conscious decision right now to forgive. Get past your feelings of unfairness and choose to be a forgiving person. Follow the steps of Christ. You will never regret doing the right thing.
P.S. Tell me in the comments if this post has encouraged you to forgive someone.
