Welcome to Forgiveness Myth 21: If I Forgive, I Will be Disloyal to Those Who Were Hurt.
Wow! Is it ever easy to pick up an offense and hold it against a person who hurt someone you love? The more pronounced the incident the more difficult it is to forgive, especially if you feel that forgiving the person in some way slights the one you love.
I remember a time about forty-one years ago when I first came to the Lord. A lady in our church said something about my wife and I became greatly offended by what she said. I wanted to walk up to her and punch her right in the nose. “Who in the world does she think she is talking about my wife that way?”
In my mind, there was no way I could forgive this lady for what she had done. She hurt my wife and that was enough for me. I would not forgive. It wouldn’t be fair. She hadn’t come to my wife or asked to be forgiven.
I probably should let you know that I didn’t punch her in the nose. I’ve never hit a woman. I even ran away from a girl in high school that was trying to pick a fight with me so I wouldn’t have to fight. Men of honor have to do weird things from time to time.
Sometimes forgiving others for the harm done to a loved one is more difficult than forgiving someone for what they’ve done to you. You see the pain they caused. You react to the injustice of the situation. You desire to love and protect your loved one from hurt.
Even if you consider for a moment forgiving the person, there’s this feeling that rises within telling you that if you forgive them, then you are betraying your loved one. You start believing some of the other forgiveness myths like if you forgive you are:
When you forgive the one{s) who hurt your loved one you’re not betraying him of her, you’re obediently releasing the offender into the hands of the Lord. You have no right before God to hold an offense against someone who hurt your loved one than you do to those who have hurt you.
Forgiveness is all-encompassing. There’s never a time in the word of God where you’re allowed to walk in unforgiveness. Never!
Forgiveness is a natural part of a believer’s lifestyle. It flows out of the forgiveness you experience from God on the basis of the work of Christ on the cross. God forgives you on the basis of Jesus’ sacrifice and you forgive on the basis of God forgiving you.
You may wonder if God is so forgiving, why is He going to judge sinners? Why doesn’t God have to forgive like we do and just overlook what took place?
God’s very different than you or me. He’s the creator of the world and the righteous judge who will ultimately bring justice for all the wrongs in the world.
God’s plan of salvation makes forgiveness available to each and every person in the world. The blood of Jesus is enough to forgive every single sin and restore every single person to God. The person who believes will be saved. The person who does not believe is already condemned. (see John 3:16-21).
Those who refuse to accept forgiveness will be righteously judged by God and pay the ultimate penalty for their sin. This is a foundational truth about forgiveness. When we forgive a person, we are not ignoring, downplaying, forgetting, or removing what took place. We are by faith turning the person over to the righteous judge who will bring justice on our behalf. This also applies to our loved ones.
Therefore, if you feel that forgiving someone for harming your loved one is somehow a form of betrayal, I suggest that you forgive them and release them into the hands of God. He is ultimately the one in charge of bringing justice. Release the offender and put your loved one in His hands.
P.S. If you struggle in the area of being offended, I want to suggest you read any or all of the following posts from www.experiencinghisvictory.com. They will help you get rid of your offense and walk in the freedom of the Lord.
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