Forgiveness Myth 20: Forgiveness Will Instantly Heal My Broken Heart

Welcome to Forgiveness Myth 20: Forgiveness will instantly heal my wounded heart.

Forgiveness is powerful. It’s God’s way of bringing release and wholeness into your life. It’s a gift that can set you free and allow you to flourish in your walk with God and your relationship with others.

Forgiveness can break the hold a person or event has upon your life. It can help rid you of destructive emotions and actions that plaque you. It can even positively affect your health and general wellbeing. Yet despite all of the amazing benefits of forgiving others, forgiveness is not a cure-all that can wipe away all pain in your heart in an instant (I will qualify this statement shortly).

Forgiveness is Not a Cure-all

Forgiveness is a vital part of your Christian life, but it is not a cure-all. Forgiveness is not the magic bullet that will solve all of your problems and bring you to instant wholeness. That’s not how it works, even though that is how we would like it to be.

I’ve ministered to many people who come seeking an encounter with God through which they’ll be gloriously and instantly made whole and not have to struggle with feelings of pain and brokenness any longer.

They say God is powerful and He can do anything. So why can’t God just heal my heart right now so I can get on with my life and not experience any more of this pain? He can do it. He is able.

Yes, God could do it in an instant. He could wipe away every wound, take every traumatic situation that happened in your life, and make you 100% whole. That’s not the way God does things.

God could have transported the children of Isreal directly out of Egypt right into the promised land, but He had them walk through the wilderness to get to their destination. God could have  repaired the broken down walls of Jerusalem in the twinkling of an eye, but He had Nehemiah return and lead the people to rebuild them. God could instantly heal everything in your life, but then He would have to override your will and take away any unforgiveness and bitterness you might have toward others.

Healing is a Process

God has made healing a process. Unforgiveness is a barrier to your healing. It stands in the way of how God wants to work in your heart. God will never force you to forgive someone against your will. Forgiveness must come from your heart in order to be true. It can never be true forgiveness if it’s coerced.

Maybe you’ve experienced something like this when you were a kid. Another kid was fighting with your or took your toy or was somehow being mean to you. Her mom or dad walks up, corrects her, and then speaks those dreaded words, “Tell him your sorry.”

The kid knows she had to say the words, so begrudgingly she says, “I’m sorry.” Then the parent looks at you. You know you’re supposed to tell them it’s okay or that you forgive them, so you say the words, “I forgive you”, but you don’t really mean it. 

Forced repentance and coerced forgiveness are not true repentance or forgiveness. They were not from the heart. They were not something you wanted to do. It was something you were forced to do. 

God wants you to forgive from your heart. That’s why He can’t just wipe away all of your wounds and make you totally whole. Some of the wounds are there because of unforgiveness.

Forgiveness Starts the Process of Healing

Forgiveness is the starting point of healing. When you release the person to the Lord and give the negative feelings you’re experiencing to Him, He can begin the healing process.

When you choose to forgive a person you destroy the invisible barrier hindering God from healing your broken heart. Once this area is healed you can remember the situation without all of the pain resurfacing. It’s like you are looking at someone else’s life.

Prior to releasing the person to God, every time you thought about the situation the pain would come rushing in. Then there were the thoughts of what you could or should have done in response. Thoughts of revenge or evil wishes toward the one who hurt you.

After releasing the person, God can heal that portion of your heart and bring His peace and freedom into your life. No more pain. No more emotional overload whenever the situation crosses your mind. That doesn’t mean your whole heart is healed.

There may be other areas of unforgiveness or brokenness you haven’t brought to the Lord. Pain is a warning light telling you something is wrong and needs your attention. The pain will only go away when you treat it God’s way.

Some people are discouraged when pain surfaces in their life. I look at it as an invitation to go to the Lord, discover its source, forgive whoever caused it, release the pain to the Lord, and ask Him to heal the pain.

I Forgave But My Heart is Not Totally Healed, Now What? 

It’s good to remember that you will never be totally healed on this earth. I say that not to discourage you, but to show you that healing is a process God is constantly working in your life. 

The good news is that each time the Lord heals an area of your life, the freer you become. You are being changed from glory to glory into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:8). So I want to leave you with three things to remember the next time pain raises its ugly head in your life.

1. God is gracious and bringing you step by step into wholeness. Bringing everything up at once would be so overwhelming it might crush you. God will bring one thing after another to the forefront so you can handle the emotional pain and receive continuous growth and freedom.

2. If pain arises from a situation you thought you already dealt with, don’t worry. When this happens some people think, I thought I forgave. It must not have worked. It’s possible that when you forgave you overlooked an aspect that still is causing issues in your life. Don’t worry. It’s quick and easy to go through the steps to forgive, release the pain to the Lord, ask for His healing, and then move on with your life.

3. Forgiveness is a lifestyle. You’ll be practicing it until the return of Jesus. As you go through life you will get hurt. It’s impossible to live here without some hurtful thing taking place. That’s why you must think of yourself as a forgiving person.When you’re hurt, forgive the person as quickly as you can. Keep a very short forgiveness list. Remember Jesus forgave those who were killing Him as He was hanging on the cross. Unforgiveness blocks the life you want to live. Be a forgiving person

When pain surfaces in your life, don’t get discouraged. Be encouraged that you can bring it to the Lord and experience His healing as you forgive. Pain is not your enemy. It is a sign to you that there is something the Lord wants to heal. Perspective is everything.

P.S. How has this article changed your perspective about emotional pain? Let me know in the comments below.