Forgiveness Myth 17: Forgiveness Means Having to Tell the Other Person They Are Forgiven

I Forgive You

I remember many years back when a person approached me and told me they were forgiving me. They just wanted to get right with the Lord and let me know they no longer held what I had done against me.

The only problem was, I had no idea what they were talking about.

I asked them why they were forgiving me. They told me about an incident I never recalled happening. I never knew I had offended them.

So often people are totally unaware that they hurt you and will be caught off guard like I was when being told I was being forgiven.

There's no Need to Tell

There is no need to let the person you are forgiving know you are forgiving them. It’s between you and God. The issue is in your heart and it just needs to stay where it is.

It’s different if the person comes to you and asks for forgiveness. This will require a response from you. You can tell the person you forgive them and never use the incident against them in the future.

Wait a minute, you might think. Doesn’t the Bible say we are to go and rebuke a person who has sinned against us? Yes, it does. Jesus said,

3 Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” (Luke 17:3-4)

These verses provide two aspects of when we should tell someone they are forgiven. The first is if someone sins against you and you confront them and they repent. You are already with the person and have confronted an issue of sin against you. If the person repents you can forgive them and tell them you forgive them.

The second aspect is if someone comes to you and asks for forgiveness. They are coming to you and repenting and asking for your forgiveness. Since they are in your presence, you can tell them they are forgiven.

Forgive but Don't Tell

In my experience, most of the forgiveness that takes place in my life is instantaneous and never requires me to talk to the person that hurt me. My goal is to be a forgiving person and I do it as quickly as possible.

Some examples of what I talking about include the time I feel offended by what a person says or does. Once I feel the sharp pain of the offense, I just release it to the Lord and refuse to be offended. I don’t need to tell the person every time I feel offended or every time I forgive them.

Other times I remember a painful situation from years ago. I take time to work the situation through with the Lord and forgive those who hurt me. I have released it to the Lord. There is no need for me to call the person who wounded me and tell them they are forgiven.

The wound was in my heart and is now gone since I chose to forgive. The situation is resolved and I can now walk in freedom.

What if the person you just forgave asked you before to forgive them, but you refused? Great question. This is a time when you would want to call because the person has asked you to forgive them. This will help validate their request for forgiveness and allow healing to come into their lives.

So the next time you need to forgive someone, release them to God and continue on with life. This will remove any barriers that existed between you and free you to love them in the Lord. It will also get your heart right with God and free your heart and soul.

P. S. Forgiveness is one of God’s greatest gifts. It frees you to be who you are in Christ.