Hey, Terry Tuinder here from ExperiencingHisVictory.com. Today we are busting a myth that keeps many people stuck in a cycle of hidden pain: Forgiveness means I downplay what happened.
Have you ever had someone wound you deeply, only to blow it off by saying, "Who cares, it is no big deal," or "I was only kidding"? The problem is that later, in your quiet moments, those thoughts rise back up. Downplaying a wound never actually addresses the issue; it just puts it in the "deal-with-it-later" bin of your subconscious.
The Pattern of Making Excuses
In helping many people walk through the journey of forgiveness, I have seen a pattern. People often downplay what was done to them to convince themselves that the person who hurt them really loved them, or to make excuses for their behavior. Consider these two examples:
Jenna endured years of verbal abuse from her mother, who told her she was ugly and worthless. When it came time to forgive, Jenna said, "My mom had a tough life. She did not know how much she was hurting me."
Bill's father was an angry alcoholic who physically beat him. When it came time to forgive, Bill said, "My dad came from a bad background; his own father beat him. I know he really loves me; he just does not know how to show it."
In both cases, Jenna and Bill were downplaying their parents' responsibility. They were making excuses instead of truly forgiving.
Facing the Truth Is Part of Forgiveness
True forgiveness never downplays the truth. It does not look for reasons to justify the behavior. Instead, true forgiveness does three things:
First, it looks honestly at the truth of the situation. Second, it places the responsibility where it belongs. Third, it chooses to release the person despite the full weight of their actions.
Why Accuracy Matters for Healing
If you do not acknowledge the full extent of the damage, you cannot find full healing. You cannot forgive a little thing if the wound is actually a big thing.
To find peace in your mind and healing in your heart, you have to be honest about the pain. Only then can you bring that specific, honest pain to the Lord and release it.
Abuse Is Never Right
If you are being verbally abused and constantly put down, it is not right. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. If you are being physically abused, it is never right. Abuse is not your fault. It is the fault of the one abusing you. You never deserve to be abused.
Call It What It Is, Then Forgive
Take into full consideration what has been done to you. Never downplay or exaggerate what you have been through. Knowing full well what has been done, forgive. Place the full responsibility on the person who hurt you, choose to forgive them, and then give the Lord the pain you are experiencing and ask Him to heal your broken heart.
A Prayer for Honest Healing
Father, forgive me for minimizing my own pain. Give me the courage to look at the truth of what happened without making excuses for those who hurt me. Help me to see that You are big enough to handle the full weight of what happened to me. Grant me the strength to place the blame where it belongs and the grace to choose forgiveness anyway. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Do not hide the hurt — bring it to the light so God can heal it. Have a wonderful day!
