Hey! Terry Tuinder here from ExperiencingHisVictory.com. Today, we are tackling myth number nine: Forgiveness must be earned or deserved.
The Trap of "Buying" Grace
I recently heard a story about a man struggling with an addiction to pornography. Every time he failed, he would try to earn his wife's forgiveness — flowers, dinner out, extra help around the house. He was treating forgiveness like a transaction.
Eventually, through a support group, he realized he was trying to buy his way back into her good graces. When he stopped the gifts and started taking healthy steps toward recovery instead, his wife soon realized that a transformed life is much better than someone trying to earn their way out of guilt.
The Divine Standard for Forgiveness
When we talk about whether forgiveness should be earned, we have to look at the standard: God's forgiveness. Can we earn God's forgiveness? Of course not. If we could earn it, we would not need a Savior. Jesus would not have had to die on the cross if we could just do enough nice things to balance the scales.
Forgiveness is a free gift. It is based on God's Love, which led Him to send Jesus, and on God's Grace, defined as undeserved favor. If it is deserved, it is not grace. If it is earned, it is not a gift.
The Danger of Performance-Based Forgiveness
When we decide that someone has to deserve our forgiveness, we start exerting unhealthy pressure on them to perform. We create a sliding scale: "You hurt me this much, so now you have to do this much to make it up to me." This leads to control, penance, and insecurity — none of which brings true healing.
Freely Received, Freely Given
Unforgiveness is a sin that erodes your own heart. It keeps you chained to the person who hurt you. To be free, you have to release the requirement that they earn it.
God freely forgives you, so you must freely forgive others. You extend grace and mercy — not because the other person is worthy, but because you are following the example of your Father. As Jesus said, "Freely you have received, freely give" (Matthew 10:8, NASB95).
A Prayer for Freedom
Lord, I pray for the power of Your Holy Spirit to touch my heart. Strengthen me so I can forgive those who have hurt me. I recognize that unforgiveness eats away at my soul and connects me to the pain of the past. Help me to release those who hurt me so that I can be truly free. Thank You for Your great love, Your grace, and the gift You have given me. May I forgive as freely as You have forgiven me. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Have a great day, and God bless!
