Today, we are tackling myth number six: Forgiveness is about the other person. Often, when we think about forgiveness, we focus all our attention on the offender. We say, "I'll forgive them when they come and ask for it." We sit and wait to see whether they will make things right, repent, and take care of business.
The Trap of Focusing Outward
Even if the person does come to us, we often stay focused on them. We wonder: "Are they really repentant? Did they mean it, or are they just trying to get off the hook?" We analyze the depth of their regret. We wait for them to grovel, to feel bad enough, or to prove they have changed. All this does is keep our eyes fixed on the other person. It bases our ability to forgive on their performance.
An Issue of Your Heart
The truth is, forgiveness is not about them at all — it is an issue of your heart. Unforgiveness does not actually come from the other person or even from the situation. Unforgiveness is something residing inside of you. Because it is internal, we have to deal with it as an internal issue. When you realize this, it changes the focus entirely, leaving the other person out of the picture.
Forgiveness and Your Relationship With God
Ultimately, forgiveness is between you and God. He is the ultimate Judge, and He is the one who instructs us on how to release others. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus makes a powerful statement:
"But if you do not forgive men their transgressions, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions."
We do not want to forgive solely out of fear, but we must understand that unforgiveness is a sin. When we refuse to forgive, we are refusing to obey what God has asked us to do.
Removing the Barrier
God wants you to be free. He knows that unforgiveness acts as a barrier that hinders you from moving ahead in the things of God. If you feel like God is distant or far away, ask yourself: "Is there someone I need to forgive?" Sin always brings separation. While I am not saying you will go to hell because of one struggle with unforgiveness, I can guarantee it affects every part of your life. God wants no barriers between you and Him.
Finding Your Peace
Sometimes we lack peace in our souls and wonder why. Often, it is because we are holding deep-seated unforgiveness toward multiple people. If you don't feel peace, ask the Lord to show you who you need to release. For some, you may first need to find peace with God by coming to know Jesus Christ. For believers, He calls us to give forgiveness freely because we have been forgiven freely. Don't wait for the other person to earn it. They may never come. Release them today so that you can walk in the peace and fullness God has for you.
