We are covering forgiveness myth number five: Once you forgive, that's the end of it. This is a widespread myth. In reality, once you forgive, there is often still "stuff" that takes place afterward that we have to deal with. While sometimes we can forgive and move on immediately, other times it is a long process.
The Visible Reminders of Pain
I want to share an illustration from one of my friends. His two-year-old grandson was physically abused by a man and was severely hurt. The child ended up in the hospital with massive swelling in his brain. Doctors had to remove a piece of his skull and eventually put a metal plate in his head. The boy had trouble with his eyes; he couldn't walk, sit up, or move correctly. It has been a long, grueling recovery process.
Forgiveness Versus the Aftermath
During this recovery, my friend prayed and forgave the man who hurt his grandson. He released him and gave him over to the Lord. However, every time he saw his grandson, he had to look at the physical effects of that abuse. He had to watch the boy drag his leg or struggle with a limp. Even though he had forgiven the man, he still had to face the reality of the damage every single day. Because of a stroke during the ordeal, part of the boy's brain was permanently affected. The daily reminder remained.
The Need for Constant Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not always a "one and done" event. My friend also had to attend the trial. He had to sit there and listen to the step-by-step details of the damage done to his grandson. Even after forgiving, he was constantly confronted with the evidence of the crime. In the midst of that trial, he found himself praying for the salvation of the man who caused all this pain. Sometimes, when the old anger bubbles up — like when you see a loved one struggling — you have to release those emotions to the Lord all over again. Sometimes forgiveness is a repetitive act of the will.
Seeking Justice While Forgiving
A question that often comes up: "Why should my friend forgive this man after all he did?" We must forgive the person, but we can also seek justice. Seeking justice through a trial is not the same as holding a grudge; it is about accountability. God has given us government to stop evildoers and protect our land. Whether you seek legal justice or choose to let it go, the internal act of forgiveness remains a vital choice for your own heart.
Don't Believe the Myth
Don't fall for the idea that "forgive and forget" happens instantly. We never forget what happened, but its hold on you and the painful memories can be given to God, allowing Him to heal them so there is no longer pain when you think about the situation. If you are holding something against someone, it only harms you. Release those who have hurt you. Pray for them, and seek God's peace for your own life.
